How cosplay has changed me as a person

Before going into cosplay myself I had never imagined it to have such an impact in my life. My life pretty much resolved around the arts back then and now it made me realise that it is pretty much my lifestyle too, not just a phase. I always enjoyed Graphic design, gaming and drawing, and before I knew it I have gotten into costume making and crafts. Now it branched into fashion, game design and make-up too!

Back in late 2007 all I wanted was a friend that I felt could relate to me over my love of art and anime. Thankfully back in the early-mid 00's I was an active member of the AZ:UK forum, a close knit on-line anime community back in the day where anime was relativity unknown to most people in the UK. I have made lots of friends at the time so I was overwhelmed to find out I was not the only one. Although there were plenty of my own species in the virtual world it wasn't until much later where I had found others in my own home town. Sadly living in a small Nottinghamshire village made it very difficult to be myself at times and even when I was in my last job recently there was no way I can be my dorky, silly self without people thinking I am some sort of weirdo.

Thankfully years ago I have found out about AmeCon 08. Like the reckless dumbass I was back then I registered and paid for my space but there was one problem; I still didn't know any anime fans! I have always been a forum nut (still no different today!) so I have spent countless hours getting to know what others and out of a blue found out there was a local cosplay event happening. To make it even better there were a number of people going to Amecon!

May 27th, 2008 just a few minutes after 7PM...that was a the start of meeting some of the best friends I have ever made and 6 years later I still meet a lot of them, at the same place at the same time every week.

I was always socially awkward to the max. I still am pretty shy now but back then much of my life was either at home or at school trying to keep up with my A-levels. As soon as I have gotten to know these people I begun going into town, having cinema trips, helping to organise picnics and even attending other anime conventions during the day. It was a massive leap and looking back I genuinely wonder how I managed to muster up all this courage to meet all these people. Maybe because we have all these geeky things in common I no longer feel like a foreigner in my own country. I now can deal with public transport on my own, go around town without feeling judged and I even had a few retail jobs; that in particular I thought I would NEVER do.

Breaking this social barrier was only the start. It was only the start of the battle to fight against something much greater; my own self esteem!

I was happy with my social life, I attended my first convention and I felt that I am becoming much more independent but I had never realised that being in the convention could be such a double-edged sword.In a way my anxiety levels around people were still an issue. I am bad with crowds and I have begun questioning my sewing skills as most people outside my own circle seem to have been in the scene for years. Being a timid newcomer surrounded by many veterans can be scary for some. Maybe that is what driven me to make this blog as I knew all along I would be completely lost without my friends. I remember watching the masquerade and being in awe as every single entrant looked like they belonged to that stage. No chance I would be able to show off my work with such confidence.

I carried on attending smaller conventions with friends that were more relaxing. As time went, so did my social anxiety and began to feel more comfortable in crowds. I began talking to more people, made some friends from outside my home town, and been inspired by a close friend to begin entering masquerades myself. I never thought that being on stage would feel so...so fantastic! My name gets called and the stage...no, the world becomes my own! People cheering for me, camera flashing everywhere! Oh my goodness I feel like a celebrity! Everyone can see the hours I put into this costume and the cheers completely any negativity in the room. It is wonderful!

Friends, check! Learn to manage social awkwardness, check!

What more can I do? Ah yes! Learn to love myself!

Strangely enough, that was the part that was the most difficult to motivate myself to do, but seem to have the fastest progress once I got into the zone. Much of my previous insecurities was due to my low self esteem. How does one raise their self esteem? Is there a globally agreed way of doing it or is it just simply a result of always doing your best in life.

I began becoming more ambitious with my cosplays, dedicated more time and effort to get things right and even been taking make-up into account. In fact learning cosplay make-up has taught me to become more fashionable in my everyday life and begun experimenting and explored my feminine side. Now I have learned to love myself, my body, my personality. It is very empowering and I am starting to struggle with deciding what would be my next move.